Suicide - the other side of the story.

Suicide.

     It represents a lot of things. Not just the act of one taking their own life, but also anger, depression, numbness, loneliness, hurt, and the desperation of feeling like you have no other option.

A little voice inside your head saying things like "You don't matter", "The world would be so much better without you in it", "Everyone would be happier", "You're worthless."

IT'S. A. LIE.

I have been through a lot of things in my life. I have seen very dark days and been so low that I didn't know if I would ever see the light again. I contemplated ending it all and not burdening people with my problems. But along with my relationship with Christ and Him pulling me out of such a dark pit, there was one other reason I never went that far.

In 2009, a family member of mine took their own life. They let their light burn out too early and it shook me to my core. So this is the other side of suicide. A look at the family's perspective. The story you don't get to hear.

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     Yesterday, a well known celebrity passed away. Everyone is saying it was suicide and a lot of people have totally different opinions on the subject. Some people are sad, some have compassion and some are calling it a selfish act. That really bothers me. While it IS a selfish act, I can guarantee you that when you're in that dark place, you're not thinking clearly. You actually believe it's the most selfless thing you could do for the people around you.

It's not.

When I first heard the story, my heart and mind immediately went to the actor's family. My heart broke instantly for them. I knew their lives were now changed forever.

     I remember the day like it was yesterday. When I first heard the news that a family member of mine had taken their own life, I didn't know what to do. There were no words. I didn't even cry for the first twenty minutes because I was in shock and felt like I needed to be strong for my family. I remember going into my bedroom, sitting on my bed and rocking back and forth just trying to tell myself that I was ok and it would all be ok. It was a kind of panic attack I had never had before and a pain I don't wish on anyone.

It wasn't ok.

     That was one of the most devastating, heartbreaking, surreal times for my family to go through. Everyone hurried around trying to get things in order and get things done, yet it felt like we were all living in slow motion and that it was just a horrible dream. Surely this wasn't real. Surely the memories, the laughs, the hugs, the sarcasm, the encouragement, the love and everything else about this person that made them so amazing, wasn't gone forever. But they were.


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     It has been years now since that family member passed, but the space in all of our hearts is still empty and hurting. There's a piece gone that we can never get back.

 I know that this person believed that this would be the best decision for everyone. They wouldn't be a burden to anyone and we would all be fine. It couldn't be further from the truth.

     Families of suicide victims are left hurting, broken, guilt ridden, dazed... wondering what they could have said or done to help. "If we would have only known..."


     So before you judge someone who has done this horrible thing, call them selfish or say they've sinned, think about the families of these people and say a prayer for them. They need it more than you could ever know.

Also, be a friend. Reach out, take the time to care, check in with people, be available and just listen. You never know what people are going through.

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     I know that I would not have been able to get through that time and tragedy if it hadn't been for my family and Jesus. He was there. Always. Comforting and healing my world and heart. He'll be there for you too.

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If you have ever thought about ending your life and that the world would be better without you, PLEASE know that that is a lie straight from the devil's mouth. Don't do it. Don't let your fire go out. Don't do that to your family. Don't do that to yourself.

YOU are precious. YOU are valuable. YOU have a purpose. YOU have a calling. YOU are a world changer. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise. Also, talk to someone. I know it is hard to open up, be vulnerable and let your guard down, but it is worth it. This world needs you. Talk to a family member, a friend, a teacher, a co-worker, a pastor, or the suicide prevention hotline (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org).  People WILL listen.


Also, if you are someone that has ever had a friend or family member commit suicide, I am so, so sorry. My heart goes out to you and I completely understand. I will be praying for you. Just remember, it's not your fault.

If you're reading this, YOU are loved.

Until next time...

<3 Brooke

Outcast

Have you ever felt like a loser? Like no one cares if you are around or not? Have you ever thought you have no purpose in life? Do you find yourself being the "outcast"? The awkward one that hasn't found a group that they click with and the one who feels like they stick out? Well, I've got news for you.

You Matter.

That's right, I said it. YOU have a purpose and you are loved. God didn't make a mistake when He made you, and He knew before the beginning of time how YOU would change the world. You have a purpose. You have a calling. YOU are loved.

I spent a lot of my childhood and teen years dealing with insecurities and lacking confidence. From what I hear, people would've never guessed that! When I was younger, I used to keep a wall up and I looked serious a lot. To the point where some people said they were scared of me or that they thought I was constantly mad about something.

I worked on that and found a way to loosen up, relax, and just have fun. I remember talking to one of my guy friends about how I used to be shy, and he almost spit out his drink. He said he couldn't picture that because of how outgoing I was now, and how I'm always so happy.

That was a huge compliment to me. It was great to hear something like that, especially since I was standing there having that conversation, feeling like a was sticking out like a sore thumb.

I have never been the "glamour girl" or the girl that guys are automatically drawn to or find instantly "pretty". I've always been the "good friend" and the girl that everyone could come to for advice and talk to about their problems, but I've never been the "IT" girl.

That was hard for a long time. I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to feel like I mattered. I wanted to feel beautiful.

Over the years, I felt like I had no one. Sure, I have an AMAZING family and the most amazing, supportive parents a girl could ask for, who always told me they loved me and that I was beautiful. I've also had some amazing friends in my life. But inside, I was hurting. I had no one to turn to, except for THE one to turn to. Jesus.

I started running to Jesus with everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. He became to me, what He longs to be for everyone - My best friend.  Over time, He started showing me how I mattered. He showed me my calling in life, and He showed me that Jeremiah 29:11 is true. He DOES know the plans He has for me, and they are SO amazing. I finally felt accepted and I believe I've learned (and am continuing to learn) what TRUE love and acceptance is. There's nothing like it. It's something that NO human can fulfill for you. I  became an "It" girl. :)

Guess what? He is no respecter of persons. He wants YOU to know true love. He wants you to realize that you matter. You have a purpose. You NEED to be here to fulfill the AMAZING plans He has for you. Trust me, they're amazing!

You are beautiful. Let me say that again. You. Yes, You. You are beautiful. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Never forget that. Please. If all you get out of this is that you matter, then I've done my job.

Stay strong. I believe in you, but more importantly, Jesus believes in you. He is always there for you. ALWAYS. There is nothing that can separate you from His love. And I do mean NOTHING. You are worthy. He finds no flaw in you. He will always be by your side. Even when you make mistakes, or feel like no one is there for you, He is.

Believe in that.

Song of Solomon 4:7 (Amp)

"[He exclaimed] O my love, how beautiful you are! There is no flaw in you!"




Till next time...